Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
November 16, 2021 · 7 min read
You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. ~ Marcus Aurelius.
“Why can’t I feel myself, what’s wrong with me?”
Do you currently feel as if you’re disconnected from yourself and can’t feel yourself?
Do you feel like being in a dream and you can’t control your body and mind properly?
This is for sure a strange sensation. However, a lot of people experience this all over the world.
While some people might experience this for a few minutes, some people might feel like that for weeks, months, and even years.
Though, you can definitely feel like yourself again. This feeling is temporary and you need to take actions.
11 Signs you can’t feel yourself
Here you may find common signs that you can’t feel yourself:
- You feel disconnected from yourself.
- You feel like you’re in a dream.
- You feel like you’ve lost your identity.
- You are having panic attacks.
- You feel scared and numb.
- You feel like you don’t have control over your mind and body.
- You feel weak.
- You feel overwhelmed by thoughts.
- You wake up anxious.
- You can’t focus.
- Life feels fake and blurry.
The meaning of not feeling like yourself
In most scenarios, not feeling like yourself means that you are experiencing depersonalization. You feel like in a dream and everything seems fake and unreal. You feel numb to everything because your mind is trying to protect you from outside world.
Sometimes in can also be derealization. It’s a sensation which happens when you look at something you’ve seen before and it feels as if you haven’t seen it before. The same can happen with your thoughts, too.
Why you don’t feel yourself
You might not feel yourself because of one or several of these causes:
- Stress or depression.
- Anxiety.
- Trauma in the past.
- Cold weather.
- Recent mood swings.
- Drugs abuse.
- Sudden change in lifestyle.
Still, the most likely reason why you don’t feel yourself is because of anxiety and stress. Your body is overwhelmed and it needs to experience changes as soon as possible.
However, inability to feel yourself shouldn’t last for too long. The most important thing is to take actions and cope with the situation.
12 Things to do to feel like yourself again
1. Relax your mind
The first step to solve any problem is to ease your mind. If your mind is constantly wandering in thoughts and stress you out, you won’t be able to find a solution properly and will be trapped in not being able to feel yourself.
Here you should try two options.
The first option is to try mindfulness meditation. It might sound silly, especially if you haven’t done it before. However, it has potential to help you overcome anxiety and stress, according to a study [1].
In this study, Sudarshan Kriya Pranayama is used. It is a yogic breathing technique that can help you ease your mind and possibly even make you feel like yourself again. Practicing it for at least 5 minutes a day and gradually increasing the time can make a whole difference.
Here you can instantly try this yogic breathing technique:
The second option is grounding method. According to research, it helps to calm yourself down [2].
The essence of this technique is done like this:
- Sit firmly on a chair with your feet on the ground and arms on your legs.
- Close your eyes.
- Take slow and controlled breaths.
- Firmly take off one of your legs off the ground and take it back on the ground.
- Place your hand on the chair and feel it.
- Affirm yourself that everything is real and you’re in a safe place.
- Focus on feelings, smells, and other senses.
- Don’t let your thoughts wander and focus only on breathing.
If you currently can’t feel yourself, then as soon as you understand that everything is real, you will start feeling better.
2. Find the main cause
When you feel ready and are in a more relaxed state, you can start analyzing where this problem comes from.
One simple strategy I’d suggest using is Root-Cause-Analysis (RCA). So, the sequence of what you should do is as following:
- Identify your problem.
- Gather the evidence that supports your problem existence.
- Identify all issues that contribute to your problem.
- Define the root cause.
- Identify how to eliminate the root cause by mitigating the issues of the problem.
- Take actions to implement the solutions.
When you will find the main cause, you will be able to successfully eliminate it or at least be cautious of it.
Take your time and think about it well. While you might be unconsciously aware of the issues, you need to systemize them and preferably map out everything on a piece of paper.
The most important thing is not to rush. Everything will be okay if you will give some time and assess the situation carefully.
3. Surround yourself with people you trust
Being around people you trust can release built-up tension. Not only you will feel better, but others might provide with their own insights and what you should do based on their perspective.
Every time your mind shifts, your world shifts. ~ Byron Katie
Nonetheless, speaking with people you trust gives you a sense of protection and a feeling that you’re not alone. It might even turn out that others have faced the same difficulty as you do right now and you’re not the only one who can’t feel yourself.
Besides, talking about problems and sharing negative emotions reduces stress, strengthens immune system [3]. It’s very likely that a talk with someone you trust can help you immensely if you can’t feel like yourself.
4. Do things you like
Having a sense of self and doing things you like helps you to get back on your identity track. That’s the only thing that nobody can take away from you.
However, the things that truly make you happy can instantly bring all joy in your life. So, if you absolutely lovely traveling, perhaps try booking a trip.
If you rarely ever have a massage or other pleasures, consider doing that also. It all really depends on personal preference.
The key is that doing things that you like can bring back your identity. Focusing on things that makes you happy can make help you regain happiness.
5. Focus on your physical health
There are numerous of studies that focusing on your physical health can help you become happier and reduce anxiety levels.
Exercising can help you improve your cognitive abilities [4]. That’s why your situation will become much clearer. It’s not a secret that exercising also improves your mood and energy levels which plays a big role in your well-being.
The mind reflects the world, and the world reflects the mind. ~ James Pierce
Similarly, you have to have a nutritious and balanced diet. Eating processed food makes you more anxious, fatigued, having a headache, and you may experience other negative symptoms [5].
Sleep should be also prioritized. Lack of sleep can result in bad mood, decreased focus, and depriving yourself of sleep overtime can result in more severe problems. It might be the problem why you can’t feel yourself.
6. Detach from social media
If you are indulging on social media, the reason behind why you can’t feel like yourself may be right here.
Social media influencers look incredibly happy and just simply beautiful. That happens because of editing software, using the particular angles to take photos, and other reasons.
That’s why a lot of people fall in depression and experience depersonalization phenomenon. While social media is fun and everything, using excessive amount of it can backfire tremendously.
If you suspect that it’s social media’s fault, you should try avoiding it for a couple of days or weeks and see what happens. I can almost assure that you will feel more free and happier than ever.
7. Don’t entertain wrong thinking
The thing is, the more you drown in negative thoughts, the stronger they become. Even the smallest inconvenience can become a big problem if you let it to grow big enough.
Negative thoughts make you anxious and even depressed. That’s why it’s important to eliminate them.
We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are. ~ Anais Nin
You’re simply entertaining wrong thinking by validating every negative thought as a correct statement. Instead, you need to validate every negative thought by approaching it with a barrage of questions.
Where does this thought come from?
Why do I feel this way?
Is this what I feel real or just my imagination?
Is this state temporary or permanent?
… and many other questions. You need to answer your questions with a clear mind. Every situation is temporary and you will be okay.
Everyone has the choice to have freedom of mind. If you don’t feel like yourself, it’s up to you if you want to regain your freedom of mind.
8. Find yourself
See, you could be at the pivotal point of your life and it’s completely normal. We start questioning who we are and really lose ourselves.
You must stop overthinking and focus on yourself. You need to reconsider your values and think of what you find important in your life.
Then, start living by your values and don’t look back. Your happiness is the most important thing in life. And no, it’s not selfish to live for yourself. You need to draw a very fine line between your happiness and pleasing others.
Sacrificing your happiness over others could be a solid reason why you can’t feel like yourself.
9. Reflect your thoughts
Reflective thinking doesn’t only mean to observe your thoughts of past or plans of the future. It means to find the reasoning why you behaved in a certain way and what made you do that.
This is where critical thinking comes in. You need to observe bigger picture in your situation and approach critical consciousness.
How you look at it is pretty much how you’ll see it. ~ Rasheed Ogunlaru
The bigger picture in this case is to reflect to your past and try to understand why you behaved in one way or another.
What made you choose such path of life? What’s the point in drowning of self-identity grief? Is there anything you can do to change that?
Certainly, there are lots of good and positive options for you to take if you don’t want to feel like not yourself anymore. They can be such as reconsidering your values and what is important to you, things that you won’t tolerate anymore, and similar.
10. Set boundaries
The problem why you can’t feel yourself is that you drown in negative thinking. You only strengthen them and have no boundaries. You simply let these thoughts flow into your mind.
See, as you might not be able to completely confront your negative thoughts, having a presence of mind is important to catch your wrong thinking off guard.
Such approach will help you to separate the right and wrong thoughts in their right places. The key is to live in the present and be very mindful of your thoughts.
Don’t let them override your mind. Don’t let them take over control of your body. You can feel like yourself if you will assure yourself that it’s just your mind playing tricks on you and that you’re completely okay.
11. Avoid self-pity loop
While having compassion for yourself is a good trait, having too much of it will negatively impact you. The more you try to comfort yourself, the more you will find excuses why environment is responsible for all the bad feelings you feel.
Nonetheless, it’s not a permanent solution to this problem. You need to properly understand when it’s harming you and when it’s comforting you.
Self-pity loop occurs when you never learn from your behavior and try to validate your worries with compassion.
Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something. ~ Morihei Ueshiba.
For example, if you’ve studied very little for an exam and trying to find compassion from other people, it’s a self-pity loop. You hope that others also didn’t study enough so you could find comfort in that. Usually, this pattern never ends and you only hurt yourself. It’s not a solution.
Similarly, you should avoid constantly compassioning yourself about feeling exhausted, anxious, or anything else. Instead, take actions. Thoughts are just thoughts. In most cases, they can’t fix the problem.
If you still question yourself “why can’t I feel myself?”, you might possibly need to get out of self-pity loop and tackle with the problem with real actions.
12. Seek for help
If your problem persists for way too long (weeks, months, years), consider finding a therapist. Only a professional will help you appropriately and will find out what your current situation is.
The right professional will always be willing to help you and will find the best solutions due to his or her long years of experience. Nowadays, help can be done online or face-to-face.
Don’t hesitate and ask for help if you feel uneasy and need a guidance.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
While there are many ways how you can approach not feeling like yourself the problem, the main cause behind this is anxiety. The more you are stressed in life, the more likely this problem will occur to you.
Still, there are a lot of ways to tackle with the problem, but the most important thing is to understand where the main cause comes from. After that, you can remove whatever triggers this cause.
If you experience inability to properly feel yourself for extended period, seek for help. You will be able to cope with your problem much faster and in a more efficient way. Don’t be afraid – you’re not alone.
Don’t let happiness be taken away from you. You need to combat your thoughts and stay positive about it. You can certainly overcome this problem.
- Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania. (2016, November 22). Yogic breathing helps fight major depression, study shows. ScienceDaily. Retrieved November 16, 2021 from sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/11/161122182357.htm
- Kaur, M., Murphy, D., & Smith, K. V. (2016). An adapted imaginal exposure approach to traditional methods used within trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy, trialled with a veteran population. Cognitive behaviour therapist, 9, e10. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1754470X16000052
- Why Talking about our Problems Makes Us Feel Better | Psychology Today. [viewed Nov 16, 2021]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-personal-renaissance/201906/why-talking-about-our-problems-makes-us-feel-better.
- Gomez-Pinilla, F., & Hillman, C. (2013). The influence of exercise on cognitive abilities. Comprehensive Physiology, 3(1), 403–428. https://doi.org/10.1002/cphy.c110063
- Fuhrman J. (2018). The Hidden Dangers of Fast and Processed Food. American journal of lifestyle medicine, 12(5), 375–381. https://doi.org/10.1177/1559827618766483