Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
December 14, 2021 · 6 min read
When you start forcing things, that's when you get hurt. ~ John John Florence
Using force for the sake of achieving your own personal goals is always wrong thing to do. The quote above sums it all.
If you are forcing people to speak with them, it means you are not worthy to speak with them in the first place.
Certainly, it could be that the other person was simply stubborn and made a sequence of actions that led to this situation in the first place. Then it’s a whole different story.
Generally, you shouldn’t force anyone to speak with you. Relationships should always work naturally and not forcefully.
Here you will find more in-depth reasons why you should never force anyone to talk to you.
Never force anyone to stay in your life
Forcing someone to stay in your life works like a boomerang. While at first it might seem a proper thing to do, but in reality it works against you.
If people feel like not staying in your life, you will hardly ever succeed in accomplishing your goal to keep them.
Everything leans on a healthy relationship. If another person doesn’t feel like being a part of your life, you should let them go. Your act of force only brings negative feelings towards you, such as anger, irritation.
If the other person feels like having a discussion with you, try to explain your point of view, but in a neutral way. Don’t make the other person feel bad.
Forcing something is never the right thing to do. Everything should be done naturally and without any forced interactions.
When should you force a conversation?
If people seem to suffer from depression, stress, or other hardships in life, you should approach them and force a conversation. See how that person reacts.
See, some people are emotionally unavailable not because you are the problem, but because they face problems which are not related to you. They might feel very down and not feel like doing anything.
However, as every situation is very personal and vary, it’s dangerous to leave such person alone with only their own thoughts. You never know what he is thinking.
Sometimes all that is needed is another person’s perspective to cheer the mood. That’s when you become handy. You can show the positive side of the problem and assure that everything is going to be okay.
12 Reasons to never force anyone to talk to you
1. Neither of you will be happy
The more you try to force someone to talk to you, the more you will find yourself resentful towards the other person.
While you might also try to confirm that you are happy trying to force someone to talk to you, but the reality is completely different. Nobody likes to chase.
If you can’t have a conversation with someone, you need either time to heal the wounds, or just let everything go.
2. Trying to have a conversation shouldn’t take massive amount of effort
That’s quite obvious but very crucial to understand. Conversations are meant to work as a tool to solve other problems.
On the other hand, working hard to have a normal conversation isn’t right by any means. You will make both yourself and another person resentful towards each other.
Never force anyone to talk to you if you understand yourself that a conversation will be fruitless or won’t happen in the first place.
Take a look at this video that sums up when you should quit a relationship:
3. Time is too precious
Ultimately, time is the most valuable asset that a person can have. If the other person isn’t willing to talk to you and acts childish, you shouldn’t deal with it.
Peace cannot be kept by force; it can only be achieved by understanding. ~ Albert Einstein
Of course, if this is a very important life related decision, you should always have a conversation and try to solve problems calmly and with sharp a mind.
Otherwise, don’t bother wasting your and other person’s time. Learn to let it go and move on in life.
4. The more you force, the worse your relationship will get
This point is self-explanatory – who would enjoy being followed by another person and have a bothersome time? Yes, nobody would want that.
That’s why your relationship would suffer. Relationships should be fun, exciting, positive. Don’t make it harder by trying to force your way through this.
You should never force anyone to stay in your life. If another person isn’t satisfied, forcing won’t help. Fix the root cause instead of the problem.
5. Relationships should be a harmony
Sure, relationships have their ups and lows. However, if you are having arguments way too often, you should never force anyone to talk to you.
Relationships should have more positives than the negatives. If you’re feeling like there are more lows in a relationship, you should start looking for the root cause asap.
If both of you aren’t willing to work on the root cause, don’t force anyone to do anything. It means that the bond of the relationship isn’t significant and strong enough.
6. Sacrificing your self-worth
While persuading someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re sacrificing your self-worth, but doing it constantly and periodically surely does.
You might start losing your self-esteem and sabotage your trust in yourself. You might feel like a disappointment if your efforts will go to waste.
Not only that, but you will come off as being desperate and vulnerable. You will be seen as a weak chain of the link and you won’t be respected and interesting for the other person.
7. You can’t force someone into love
If you’re trying to grab someone’s attention and your long—term is to have a romantic relationship, that’s fine. Some people like to play hard to get and require some time to earn their trust at first.
The people can be forced to fear, but not to love. ~ Steve Berry
However, if you notice clear signs of resentment and little desire to speak with you, you should never force anyone to talk to you.
It simply means you are too incompatible and, to be honest, not meant for each other. Love has to be mutual. Never force someone to love you, because that’s not how love works.
A few signs that love is not compatible between you two:
- Your life goals differ.
- Neither of you care about each other’s needs.
- There’s no physical attraction either from both or one of you.
- Your opinions on casual things differ constantly.
8. A counterproductive act
Human’s psychology is complicated, but it has been shown that mysteriousness attracts people [1]. That’s why the more you force, the more another person suffocates.
It wildly depends on situation, though. You can’t make another person start talking to you by becoming more mysterious (it’s not the same as being unavailable!). They just might not feel like playing around while they have their own problems.
Generally, you should give people space. They need to reconnect with their thoughts and feelings.
9. Emotional abuse
Emotional abuse is a form to control the other person with the aid of emotional manipulation, such as embarrassment, shame, criticism, and other ways.
Forcing someone to talk to you is certainly a form of emotional abuse. They suffer from your pressure and they could start feeling really bad about it.
Regardless, if you’re entering other person’s privacy and ignoring the boundaries, that’s definitely a sign of emotional abuse. You should always respect other people privacy.
Never force anyone to talk to you if your intentions are to be judgmental towards the other person. The other person will immediately start defending himself and resentment will start kicking in.
10. You want it more than the other person
When you want to talk to the other person more than he does, you create an uncomfortable environment. It literally seems like a forced act and makes everything harder than if it would be naturally.
Our patience will achieve more than our force. ~ Edmund Burke
What if somebody forced you to do something that you wouldn’t like, for example, diving with sharks in an open ocean? While that’s not exactly equal comparison, but you get the idea.
A conversation has to be from equal desire standpoint of view. If one person resists, it won’t be a fruitful conversation for sure.
11. You’re not on the same page
While you might be cheerful about having a conversation, the other person might not feel the same and he might need some space.
If there’s a genuine spark, everything flows gracefully. If there’s a force, it will feel unnatural, awkward, and painful.
That’s why you should never force anyone to talk to you. You need to be in similar emotional state, otherwise you will have a very hard time to interact with each other.
If something feels incorrectly, it probably is. Don’t force anyone to do anything. Be patient and wait for the right moment to strike a conversation.
12. They want other form of interaction
It could be that the other person doesn’t want a conversation. Perhaps the other person wants only your physical presence.
It’s common that some people just want to be left alone completely. They prefer being in their thoughts on their own and peacefully drown in them.
Or, they might want to speak with other person and not you. They might think that you are not appropriate person to speak with at the very moment.
That’s because every person can’t fit all needs. If a person faces psychological problem, a better person to speak with would be a certified professional. If you don’t know what other people think about, you should never force anyone to talk to you.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
By now it should be clear that you should never force anyone to talk to you – it’s a wrong thing to do. Not only others will feel resentment towards you, but your friendships will be ruined too.
Though, in scenarios when a person is depressed or faces other hardships in life, it’s okay to force a conversation. You might be the only light in that person’s life.
From the standpoint of love, you shouldn’t force a conversation if you are the reason that ruined the relationship. Hearts simply shatter and can’t be fixed that easily. Love has to be a mutual feeling for it to work out.
- Psychology Today. The Most Powerful Law of Attraction. January 5, 2011 [viewed Dec 13, 2021]. Available from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/beautiful-minds/201101/the-most-powerful-law-attraction