Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
December 15, 2021 · 6 min read
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. ~ Walter Winchell
If you were to ask me how many good friends I have, I could count them on my hand fingers. That’s how many I have.
Good friends are hard to come by and that’s not a secret. Finding people you can trust is a mission of a lifetime.
However, if you really put your mind to it, you can find even a best friend that will stay by your side for the rest of your life.
Why can’t I find good friends?
When you believe that people can’t understand you, it makes you resistant to find good friends. Anxiety of talking to new people limits you in finding new friends.
Being uncomfortable around others doesn’t allow you to meet new people. Your shyness, inability to make the conversation flow naturally makes finding friends harder.
You might also be avoiding hard tasks, one of them being finding good friends. You don’t challenge yourself and that’s why you can’t find people you can trust.
The next time ask yourself what’s stopping you from approaching other people. Find the root cause and work from there.
Will I ever have good friends?
If you put your mind and work ethics in meeting new people, you will certainly have good friends. Meeting new people doesn’t come naturally for everyone.
For more extroverted people approaching strangers feels very unnatural and forced. Like any good relationship it requires work to be put into.
Without your efforts you won’t ever have good friends. You shouldn’t turn down social opportunities. Make the most out of them by making some good friends.
How to find true friends?
You have to get yourself into places where a lot of people gather. The more you will overthink, the less likely you will find true friends.
You have to get yourself out and overcome the fear of rejection. The more you feel uncertain, the less you will appeal to other people. They won’t see your true colors and how charming you are.
Here you can watch a more in depth video about how to find friends:
Why good friends are important?
The older we get, the more important friends get for your happiness and health [1]. It can even be more important than your own family for your well-being.
One of the studies, which is called Harvard Study of Adult development, is more than 80 years old suggests that people who have good relationships with others live a happier and longer life, while lonelier people die earlier [2].
All in all, good friends play a vital part of our lives. We all need to share our happiness with each other to be fulfilled in our lives.
11 Reasons why good friends are hard to come by
1. Everyone is set in their ways
You have your own routine, habits, and that’s completely okay. However, good friends are hard to come by when your routine doesn’t include meeting new people.
When you were younger, it was easier to find friends, because everyone was forced to interact. Every child was at similar life stage.
When you get older, married, and have children, your values change. It’s no wonder that good friends are hard to find at that stage of life.
2. People have relationship scars
See, some people (perhaps you too) have been injured by other people. That includes betrayal, having toxic friendships in general.
True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable. ~ David Tyson
That’s why best friends are hard to find – nobody wants to put themselves in vulnerable position. People rather stay in their shells and live a comfortable life.
Breaking up with friends is tough. It leaves scars in your heart and you don’t trust people like you used to before.
3. People are inconsistent
In these modern times the technologies allow us to meet a lot of different people in a short period of time. It’s not like before the Internet, when you had to approach people all the time.
Dating, chatting, meeting new people in online platforms make people less attached to their old friends. True friends are hard to come by for that reason. At least you will know that he/she isn’t your loyal friend if you’re left abandoned.
Some people are just naturally less consistent and they need to get to know as much people as possible. They don’t care about the value of the relationships. All they want is to have fun in the present.
That’s when life hits and it becomes hard to find friends. They don’t have trust of other people and they are stuck having very small number of true friends.
4. You’re too soft
Your heart is too pure. You always help other people. People take benefits from you instead of establishing strong relationships with you.
The more you’re obliging to other people, the less they will see you as a true friend. They will see you as an acquaintance that can help with whatever they need.
People take advantage you. Real friends are hard to find when people behave like that. In a perfect world this shouldn’t be happening.
Unfortunately, you have to find a balance between being too soft and being too harsh on everyone. Don’t let everyone push you around.
Only in that way you’ll earn others respect and it will become easier to find friends.
5. You believe that everyone has a closed group of friends
Your limiting beliefs that everyone becomes unavailable after a certain age makes you abandoned. You only hurt yourself in this way.
The truth is that not everyone has a closed group of friends. There’s no such rule. If you fit in the vibe of these people, you will be surely invited.
The most important thing is to be proactive and take initiative. Good friends are hard to find only if you make yourself believe into this saying. You have to throw away your limiting beliefs and put yourself in front of the others.
6. You have high expectations
Best friends or good friends don’t necessarily have to be perfect. They don’t have to fit like a perfect puzzle piece in your life.
They have only to supplement you and make you a happier person. That goes both ways, of course.
A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world. ~ Leo Buscaglia
Furthermore, you don’t need to have a full pack of friends. All you need is a couple of good friends. They will help you with your mental health and your overall happiness.
As friends are hard to find, but it’s completely worth it having a few good ones. They will always support you no matter what you do.
7. You are looking for friends with benefits
This could be also a case if you’re finding it hard to meet good people in your life. It’s not a surprise that good friends are hard to come by if you’re looking to milk them out.
For example, you’d be gladly a friend with a dentist so you could have a good discount on fixing your teeth. Or, you’d love to find a friend whose profession is a pilot so you could occasionally go for a fly with him.
People sense lack of kindness from miles away. A clever person will never fall for a trap like this. He will avoid being your friend at all costs. You would only be a dead weight in his life.
8. You have a negative mindset
Being in a friendship supposed to be fun and exciting. Nobody wants to hold someone’s hand all the time when smaller or bigger trouble comes in a horizon.
Of course, true friends will always help you, but they will soon turn away from you if you will always complain and ask for help.
Best friends are hard to find for those people, who have no “positive aura” around themselves. Remember that you attract people that are alike.
9. People are tired of drama
After a hard day of work majority of people want to just lay down and take their hard-earned rest.
They’ve had enough of drama in their office and constant social tension in their workplace. The competition, never-ending stabbing behind their backs simply turn off any desire to find more friends.
They learn that the only person they can trust is themselves. That’s a very major reason why good friends are hard to come by.
Even the kindest individuals become closed and they shut their access to their hearts off from other people.
10. People are intimidated by you
It could be both ways – either you are intimidated or other people are frightened by you. The difference between income levels, social status makes things more complicated.
For example, a construction worker wouldn’t be that willing to be friends with an engineer or a CEO of a company, especially within the territory of a workplace.
Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. ~ Marcel Proust
If people have very little self-esteem, they might feel like a disappointment compared to others. They won’t feel comfortable around other people that have achieved more job wise.
Good friends are hard to come by, especially if people are on different levels of social status. That’s a disappointing life reality.
11. People find their life partners
When people find their significant others, it gets even more sketchy. Good friends are hard to find because not only you have to be likable by your ‘future-to-be best friend’, but also by his/her significant other.
That’s because couples usually make life decisions together. Separate friends now become mutual friends and you have to get along each other well.
While there are occasions when couples still have their friends separated, but you should always keep that in mind if you’re having difficulties to find true friends.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
It’s not a secret that friends play a major role in our happiness and life in general. We relax with them, charge up our positive energy, and simply have a great time together.
Nonetheless, good friends are hard to come by, especially the older you get. People become more closed and less likely to have a chat with you.
Still, it doesn’t mean that you can’t find good friends. They’re definitely out there, but you have to put yourself in front of other people and take actions.
- CHOPIK, W.J. (2017), Associations among relational values, support, health, and well-being across the adult lifespan. Pers Relationship, 24: 408-422. https://doi.org/10.1111/pere.12187
- Harvard Study of Adult Development. Available at:https://www.adultdevelopmentstudy.org/