Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
September 1, 2021 · 7 min read
Your desire for what you want just has to be greater than your fear of it. That’s all. - Neil Strauss
Arrogance is not equal to confidence.
Men that are confident might be harsh sometimes to other people. They might not always be nice to other people, but it’s because they are tired of everything being sugarcoated when the core of an apple is bitter, just like the reality is.
In some scenarios confidence and arrogance has a very thin line. But, arrogance is very easily distinguished by keeping one thing in mind.
If a person puts his self-worth above everything else, then he’s arrogant. If that guy is insulting everyone around and keeps saying that: “I’d have never done anything stupid like this”, then he’s arrogant.
Confident men, on the other hand, are always there to help to other people. They respect themselves and respect others.
What causes lack of confidence?
Lack of confidence is most caused by neglecting confidence importance itself for too long or by experiencing shocking events in the past which ruined confidence in yourself.
There can also be some cases when you feel too intimidated by other more confident people which plants seeds of mistrust and doubts in yourself. Those people seem to be more powerful and have more knowledge than you do.
Consequences of being not confident
The biggest issue with having no to little confidence is that you always seek for validation either from other people or other sources (motivation speeches, conferences, courses, guides, etc.). You don’t trust in yourself and don’t believe what you’re capable of.
Not confident men also participate very little in conversations, decision-making situations.
Having little confidence hurts for overall well-being of yourself. You feel incomplete and that everyone else is better than you. This can turn to stress, anxiety, depression and other negative consequences.
I do not believe in taking the right decision, I take a decision and make it right. – Muhammad Ali Jinnah
10 Signs Of Not Confident Man
- Shy to express opinion
- Not taking care of the outside looks
- Not willing to meet new people
- Afraid to take initiative
- Hiding emotions
- Afraid to have new experiences (travel, fun activities and similar)
- Not being interested in environment (world and local news, etc.)
- Waiting for someone else to take care of actions
- Afraid of taking risks (starting a business, beginning a new career…)
- Having trouble to make friends and to start talks
7 Ways To become a confident man
1. Practice Communication
“Hey, Bill, why are you so quiet?”
Nobody wants to hear these words. The biggest confidence killer is not speaking with people. This signals that the man is not confident in himself. Ability to express thoughts is the most important thing to appear confident in front of other people.
If I had to pick only one confidence booster from this list, then it would be communication.
I used to be very shy kid and teen. I was afraid to express my thoughts because of the fear of rejection. I assumed that I’d be safer by not expressing anyone my opinion. As it was partially true, it backfired me in my late teens and early adulthood years.
I didn’t build communication skills and I lacked confidence badly. As a result, I lacked two biggest important leadership skills – communication and confidence. Even though I was positioned in high role in my job, I always thought I didn’t suit there. I didn’t know how to properly talk with people or be their leader.
Communication creates bonds and if you are an amazing speaker, then you will win every person’s heart. Notice how everyone smiles and are involved into a person that speaks passionately or just knows their way around people.
How to practice:
Start by talking more with family members. Do small talks. Talk about something that you wouldn’t normally talk about. Try explaining some concepts or things that others don’t know.
You can also practice this with your friends that you feel comfortable with. Let your thoughts flow through your words. Don’t think at this moment about making mistakes, stuttering or anything else. You can master this skill only through communicating with other people.
It’s worth keeping in mind that without experiences in life or being curious in environment, you will find it hard to talk with people on a deeper level. That’s why it’s important to find out what people are interested about and learn more about those topics.
2. Take care of your appearance
A lot of men underestimate the power of appearance. It boosts your confidence immensely and lets you to handle the situation better.
This is also a way on non-verbal communication which is called personal appearance communication. This sign lets people know more about your personality and character.
For an instance, if you come to a date with a tracksuit, it tells either you don’t respect your date or that’s your style which you are not giving up. It can be interpreted in many ways and it depends on a person’s view.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it would happen, others make it happen. – Michael Jordan
How to practice:
For starters, take a look what’s fashionable at the moment. Men tend to be conservative about clothes and don’t think too much about it. We pick up whatever we have in our wardrobe.
Therefore, do very brief research what is on the trend and go from there. You will certainly find something that will pick your attention.
Keep in mind to adjust your style to the event that you are preparing for. If you are going to a casual meet-up, a suit is probably not necessary. For that particular case, look for fashionable trendy clothes to wear on everyday occasions.
After a while you will catch up on trends and will have a general idea what’s on fire and what’s not at the present moment.
3. Leadership
Leadership is all about taking initiative and being proactive. These traits differentiate sheep from the wolves. In other words, people know that you are a confident man.
Leadership means that you have will have to be the first to give offers and opinions. You don’t want to be a sheep, do you? If you have been pushed from one corner to another corner by other people and you want to change for your own good, you must start initiating actions.
How to practice:
Don’t waste time on leadership programs that will guarantee you to become one.
You can start now by having internal discussions with yourself about local and world business, sports, politic news and others. Have a few thoughts what could’ve been done better. There is always a better solution than is already proposed.
Try to think of more efficient ways to execute your daily tasks. It could be as simple as figuring out a better lawn mowing pattern. You could also figure out a more practical way to organize your wardrobe or garage. Gradually, you will develop a mindset of a leader.
Keep in mind not to initiate mindlessly. What I mean, is take weighed decisions. Don’t simply execute the first thought that gets into your mind. Think if it’s any beneficial and whether is it really the best action to take for you and everyone else (if other people are included too).
This simple trait will set you apart from other wanna-be leaders. You will get acknowledged of your rational and beneficial decisions.
4. Strong non-verbal communication
The most significant non-verbal communication is behavioral communication as far as it concerns confidence. Sometimes, body language can indicate more confidence than the words themselves.
Behavioral expression pulls attention of listeners and viewers, you become the center of the audience. Notice how singers, public speakers often move around. The audience is instantly hooked and is following every movement.
Some people even touch other people to initiate a stronger bond with that person. Beware, that this doesn’t work with everyone. You have to look for signs if people admire you or they are comfortable with you.
Believe you can and you’re halfway there. – Theodore Roosevelt
How to practice:
Start from a firm, straight posture. Don’t arch your back. A solid sitting and standing posture signals to the audience that you believe in yourself and feel confident.
Crossing your arms, scratching your head, rubbing your hand with your other hand’s palm shows that you are insecure and you are feeling nervous. A lot of people can read this and they will assume that you are unsure what you are talking about. This will spark a sequence of doubts about you and people will start to lose trust.
Therefore, you should practice on your behavioral communication in front of the mirror first. Practice confidence stances while speaking. Gradually, you will develop good non-verbal communication habits.
5. Voice tone
Voice tone can tell a lot about your personality. Look, if you want to appear confident and interesting, your voice cannot afford to be monotonous and silent.
Express your voice tone like you mean it. You have to differentiate from other people. If you’ll sink together with others, there’s going to be no distinction between you and others.
Therefore, your voice tone has to sound strong and blast with confidence.
How to practice:
Certainly, you should start in your home. Find out what voice tone is natural for you while still sounding manly and bursting with charisma. This can be learnt only through trial and error. There’s no secret sauce to it. The more you practice, the better you get.
In this video you’ll see one of the harsher examples. Ben Mallah is a real estate investor and businessman that has accumulated over $250 million. He spits out the truth straight to other people faces.
Without a doubt there’s no need to curse like he does, but it’s his style and that’s the way how he communicates and does the deals.
Although he might seem at some times disrespectful, but he almost always in the end knows how to find a common ground and give compliments for people that deserve them.
The point is, this man knows how to persuade other people and get things done. His voice tone is in some cases even intimidating for other people and he just generally sounds very confident guy.
6. Speak clearly and concise
When you speak, you have to be very mindful of it and try to be as concise as possible. This is one of the main elements to become a confident man.
I used to just spit out the words fast and not really understand what I said myself. I was glad that I said things and I didn’t have to say them anymore.
However, the thing is, that nor the listeners understood what I said, nor I did. Well, I partially understood, because I knew what I was about to say in my mind, but it doesn’t help for other people. They can’t read minds.
Anyways, my point is that you have to verbally speak clear and do it in as small number of words as possible. People won’t be overwhelmed by your speech and they can digest the information better.
Confidence is the food of the wise man but the liquor of the fool. – Vikram
How to practice:
The first step is to start at your home by simply reading anything out loud. Pay attention if your speech is clear. To get even better results, you should record yourself and then listen to it.
When we speak and even think we’ve said clearly, in some scenarios that might not be the case. We unconsciously believe that it’s super clear and people wouldn’t doubt in our words even for a second.
By listening to record, you will be able to be your judge. When you do this, be honest and critical to yourself. Don’t sugarcoat the reality.
The second step is to imagine that you are explaining to someone a hard concept. Just like before, speak to yourself and record it. Notice if your thoughts flow verbally as naturally as in your mind.
Then, listen and be your own judge again. The more you practice, the better you’ll get.
Gradually you’ll notice that you are getting better at explaining concepts to people in as little words as possible while being crystal clear.
This is amazingly important skill to learn. If you can do this, you’ll notice a burst of confidence within yourself.
7. Live above your expectations
You should never think of yourself as a man that will live a mediocre life. Instead, get a grip on yourself and picture a life that you didn’t even dare ever to think about. Dream about it, if you think that this lifestyle sounds too ridiculous to be true.
However, if we don’t have a clear picture of our dream life, we’ll never be able to achieve it. We won’t attain our goals by going with the flow.
You have to work for your dream life and be confident man that achieves his goals.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. - Mark Twain
How to practice:
First, set a goal. As previously mentioned, you can’t achieve your dream life if you can’t even picture it in your head. Okay, so you want a Rolls Royce and a $5 million house? Fine, let it be! It’s achievable for every person that works hard.
Secondly, set a precise plan. Just like speaking clear and concise, you must set a plan with small details. Those details matter the most because it’s not hard to be abstract. It’s much harder to go into depths of concepts and analyze them.
Therefore, figure out if you’ll have to set up a certain business in order to achieve this goal. Figure out what business it is and write down step-by-step tasks. Do research and be willing to learn.
Most importantly, you can’t wait for too long to start executing your plan. The best way to learn is to get your hands dirty and get things done. If you fail, that’s still fine, as long as you don’t do that mistake again and keep going.
Keep in mind that if it was easy, everyone would achieve their dream goals. People that have the most stamina and motivation achieve their dream life and figure out a way to how to do it.
Don’t set your life below your means. Live like a king and a confident man.
Final Verdict
The main takeaway from this article is that confident men don’t doubt themselves and always keep on improving. Surely, you can be confident man without interacting too much with other people and be just as fine, but you’ll most likely will not appear confident in front of other people’s eyes.
If you stay silent and other stay silent, then you might indeed be the one who appears to be the most confident. But as soon as someone starts to take real initiative to talk and be charismatic, is full of ideas and just has this aura of attraction around him, everyone else will look meaningless.
Therefore, you should look upon to be a person like previously mentioned and seek for acknowledgment from other people. In fact, acknowledgment will come naturally if you’ll believe in your decisions and actions.