Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
December 16, 2021 · 5 min read
A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. ~ Walter Winchell
A quick gesture of attention to others shows that you care about them and vice versa.
Even a quick “hi” can make the difference between people that show time for others and those who don’t.
If you don’t get attention from others, it means that people make time for what they want. You’re not the first priority at that moment, especially if it happens not for the first time.
However, it’s not a black or white situation. It can get quite complicated.
Why people make time for what they want?
Generally, people look only after themselves and after their own interests [1]. If they don’t benefit from you in any way, they will make time for what they want in other life areas.
People make excuses not to interact with you and make time for what they want instead. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t care about you, though.
It could also mean that their focus is currently somewhere else, they’re coping with difficult life problems, or taking time for themselves to regain positivity and not to include you in their dark thoughts.
When to forgive people for not making time for you?
See, some people can be extremely busy, but that’s just because their priorities are set not on you, but on somewhere else. Some of these situations must be solved, otherwise the quality of life decreases dramatically.
These situations include:
- Having a demanding job. That’s especially true if a person runs his own business or works in management. Working 80 hours a week is no joke and it gets really complicated making time for people.
- Having family to take care of. If you are someone else’s friend and want to receive attention, you first have to analyze what part of life does family have in your friend’s life. Making time for your closest ones is number one priority. Children and significant other definitely takes lots of time.
- Being physically ill. A disease can be demanding on the body and completely alter the mood. Health is always number one priority over anything.
- Being depressed, stressed, anxious. When mental health goes downwards, everything else seems insignificant, including making time for people. That’s simply human nature and there’s little you can do about it. The first priority is to get rid of any mental illness.
- Finding themselves. If a person is really lost in his life and needs to reassess his values, what makes him happy, you shouldn’t judge in this scenario that people make time for what they want. Happiness and passion play a vital role in well-being.
When is it unacceptable when people make time for who they want?
Some situations can quickly give it away that other person simply doesn’t care about you. That’s when you truly know that people make time for what they want and that not everyone is your friend.
These situations include:
- Not having time to chat/talk with you for 5 mins a day. If other person can’t make time for you, even if it’s 5 minutes, it means that he or she has priorities somewhere else. 5 minutes in 24 hours is just 0.3 percent of the whole day. There’s no excuse for that.
- Complaining that they’re always busy. Some people just love to have victim mindset and always keep telling other people that they’re busy, especially if they’re laying down on the coach at that very moment. That’s completely ironic.
I don’t want just words. If that’s all you have for me, you’d better go. ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Catching them doing something very insignificant. I’ve had one sarcastic occasion when the other person admitted cleaning his shower instead of meeting up with me. If people seriously prefer doing such things over spending time with you, that’s unacceptable.
- Any other lame excuse. There are dozens of excuses that people could think of just not to make time for you. If you notice such signs, it means your relationship isn’t strong and mutually demanding.
7 things to keep in mind if people make time for what they want
1. You have time for what you make time for
This saying is applied to what people prioritize. If they focus rather on their careers, money accumulation, it means they find time for that.
If other people value their friends and family more than any materialistic possession, they will make sure to spend as much time with them as possible.
The most important thing to understand is people are not forced to do anything. They choose their initial life paths and lead themselves by their set life values for the rest of the lives.
So, if others have no time for you, it just shows what their priorities are.
In either way, you should never settle for less than you deserve. People make time for what they want, and it seems that you’re not what they’re after.
2. Make time for people who make time for you
If another person shows you attention and care, it means he cares about you. If someone wants to make time for you, they will. There are a few exceptions, but in majority of cases a person should make time for you.
That’s exactly why you should also make time for people who make time for you. If you won’t, they will feel unappreciated and having a lot of questions about the situation.
Leave something for someone but don't leave someone for something. ~ Enid Blyton
Even the busiest people will stop whatever they’re doing to check on you. That’s a true sign of care and love.
And you should also know that people always come for a reason in your life. They want to make you feel happy, appreciated, and just make you live life to its fullest.
3. You make time for what matters
If people are your priority in life, that’s completely fine. Make time for them, because it’s something that matters to you.
People make time for who they want and others will understand that. If you show deep care for others, they will feel appreciated. If they won’t, it means they don’t care much about you.
If your priorities are within other life areas, other than social ones, that’s completely okay as well. There’s no such concept as ‘correct and universal things’ that matter. Everyone lives life by their way.
In either way, you should filter people that show caring signs about you. These individuals are the most important people in your life.
4. People need space
It’s not a rare occasion when people require time for themselves. They simply feel overwhelmed from everything and they need to escape from other people.
It doesn’t mean that they don’t care about you. It’s not about you in this case. It’s all about them and what feels right at that moment.
We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everyhwere. ~ Tim McGraw
Generally, you make time for the things that are important to you. It doesn’t matter whether it is related to people or any other activities.
People have different priorities and sometimes they simply need space to return to something that’s important for them.
Nevertheless, making friends become hard. Such people tend to close themselves and they open up very slowly.
5. Get rid of people that don’t care about you
It’s obvious that if people don’t get in contact with you, they don’t care as much. Well, there are friendships that can thrive in prosperity even without a few months of interaction, but that’s quite rare.
Don’t contact people just because it feels right to do. Don’t force anyone to talk to you if they show no response and don’t put as much effort into a relationship as you do.
If someone wants to see you, they will make time. You don’t have to beg for their attention. Your self-value deserves more than pleading others’ attention.
There‘s a difference between someone who makes time for you. You can notice the passion and how much they value you. Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
6. Some people are not social naturally
Due to the lack of interaction with other people, some of us have social anxiety. We don’t feel natural in this environment.
I'm guilty of giving people more chances than they deserve but when I'm done, I'm done. ~ Turcois Ominek
Therefore, making time for people might not be a problem for them, but how they feel during a conversation puts them in uncomfortable position.
The only way to overcome this is to keep practicing and interacting with people. While that might never be the most enjoyable thing to do for them, but they can surely overcome social anxiety and make time for other people.
7. People prefer other activities over social interaction
While this type of people can be really good at holding conversations, being charismatic about it and charming everyone around, but that’s not something that they enjoy the most.
They would rather spend time for their hobbies and what they love to do. It’s not the type of people you should judge, unless these individuals are your family and they don’t want to have quality time together.
That’s one of the qualities that are inborn of some people and they will keep coming back to their roots no matter what. They’re living more for themselves, and not for others.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
There’s definitely some people that deeply care about you and you care about them. Such mutual care creates a very strong relationships’ bond.
Nevertheless, it’s obvious that people make time for what they want and prioritize first. When you fully understand it, you will never look at some people the same that you did before.
Keep your closest people near and make time for them who value you. These individuals will stay with you no matter what and will support you in every life step.
Harvard Business Review. How Selfish Are People Really? [viewed Dec 16, 2021]. Available from: https://hbr.org/1989/05/how-selfish-are-people-really