Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
September 1, 2021 · 7 min read
There is no growth without change, no change without fear or loss and no loss without pain. - Rick Warren
Pain is a natural response of a body to protect itself from any sort of injuries. We’ve all experienced some kind of pain: physical injury, anxiety, stress, depression, social related fear and others.
Nevertheless, in some cases the fear of pain can be too obsessive and can take control of your life. It might disrupt you from doing certain things that you’d like to do and/or you used to do.
It’s not a surprise that people are afraid of pain – a lot of us avoid it in every kind of way that’s possible. However, in some cases the circumstances don’t allow such a luxury.
Fear of pain is a phobia which is derives from past experiences or someone else’s told experiences. This fear can create an illusion that you already are in pain even if you aren’t.
This is all done by your psychology and mind which creates false scenarios.
If fear of pain constantly persists you everyday or it comes in waves chronically, then you should consider tackling with the problem.
You should also be concerned about it when fear of pain is controlling your every action and you feel like the joy of life is gone. Your thoughts would take over your actions and the negativity would be the obstacle for enjoying the life.
If your hobbies and other fun activities doesn’t relax you, that’s also concerning. When you can’t find peace in your mind, then the relationships, your job and other significant features in your life get damaged.
You might fear pain because of your hurtful past experiences or because of someone else’s bad experiences that you’ve heard. You have encountered the pain either directly or indirectly and that’s the main cause which causes your fear.
Also, it’s a natural instinct of a human to avoid pain at all costs. Pain engraves in our mind to be careful of things that are sources of pain.
Remember that self-care is something that a lot of us neglect and therefore we face consequences. We think that we are running out of time to take care of ourselves.
We can reduce pain immensely just by focusing on ourselves a bit instead of the outer world. There is too much going to in the world nowadays and we can’t keep up the whole time with everything.
Self-care doesn’t have to be all about vacation as most of us have engrained this in our minds. We don’t have to go to a ski resort or travel half world to get to a sandy beach with palms.
In fact, taking care of yourself can be as simple as taking a whole evening off and doing absolutely nothing if that’s your preference.
However, the best choice would be to do something that’s out of your comfort zone but still is very relaxing and enjoyable, such as SPA procedures, massage, sauna, etc.
With so many things going around the world, it’s not hard to fall into negative thoughts. These thoughts can bring a lot of doubts about ourselves and fear of pain will be a part of them.
Definitely, I’m not saying to wear pink glasses and to always believe that the world will be bright and everything will be fine. Obstacles exist because they will make us stronger and we can thrive better than before.
We must pour love to our thoughts and keep on believing that with every negative consequence there is always a positive one. Chances of succeeding beating fear of pain will always be near 0 if you will feed your brain with negative thoughts. It will be the same as playing a lottery and hoping for the best.
Fear and pain should be treated as signals not to close our eyes but to open them wider. - Nathaniel Branden
To attain a positive mindset, you will have to change your mindset gradually. If you wake up and think that it’s going to be a bad day, you will rarely ever have a good day. You will be relying on other people to make you happy.
Instead, you have to wake up and believe that you’ll do everything in order for this day to be as happy and successful as possible.
Toxic relationships may be the seed of your fear of pain. Those relationships can be with co-workers, friends, relatives, acquaintances or any other people.
You might unconsciously have a comprehension, that these relationships do nothing bad for you, because that’s how it has been for years or maybe even decades. However, take a good thought if that’s actually true and try to analyze if your acquaintances don’t talk badly with you or decrease your self-worth in any other way.
Toxic relationship signs may be:
Sometimes it can be very hard to identify what is the problem with your relationships because you are that used to it.
Therefore, as soon as you find out which relationships are bad, you should try to fix them by having a talk with those people. If it doesn’t work out, you should end them even if that really hurts. Keep in mind that it’s better for you.
Inner peace can bring a lot of benefits for us. Happy and joyful mindset are one of them.
A lot of people can’t keep up with the pace that life require from us. For an instance, a lot of people are unhappy with their jobs, especially the corporate ones where they are stuck for a whole day in a cubicle.
This process goes and doesn’t stop for years if not decades. People have a fear of missing out, they are hurt from their managers and from the stress that deadlines create.
In this example, some people would be way better off living suburbs with half the salary, but without any stress. The noise of the city might be too much for some individuals.
My point is, that we all have our sacred place of inner peace that we thrive on reaching one day. However, don’t hesitate and start acting to reach it faster. Clock ticks and we can never get time back. It’s truly too late to start living in your 90s, so you must take actions now.
Fear is a phobia that pushes us further away from our successes. We are afraid of failing and letting down our family and relatives.
We have this fear of feeding others’ predictions, that we will not succeed. Simply, we don’t want them to be right and as a result we don’t take risks and go for it. People enjoy seeing others failing.
Fear was given to man as a cautionary device to spare him pain; it is not mean to be cultivated and abused. - Paramahansa Yogananda
But, what’s the worst thing that can happen? There are plenty of opportunities to stand up and beat the obstacles of life. If you will never try, you’ll never know.
Every person fears of unknown and experiencing new challenges, but success is achieved by overcoming them.
Some fear is always okay and in some occasions even healthy. Imagine if you wouldn’t fear of jumping from a plane without parachute into a big trampoline (that’s actually an existing thing). That probably wouldn’t end very well, especially if that’s your first time.
Having said that, make sure to set rules how much fear can you tolerate. Write down them on a piece of paper and save it.
Whenever you catch yourself being too fearful of something, be mindful and stop it immediately. Go outside for a walk or anything else that would distract you.
Gradually you won’t need to rely on distractions and fears will fade completely on their own. You must be self-aware and think: “What’s the point of this fear?”, “How is it helping me?”.
If you feel, for example, fear of physical pain, then there must be a way how to avoid it. For example, if you fear of crashing a car in a drift practice, then install reinforcements that would protect you. Money comes and goes, but health might never come back.
Create a mould, and pour yourself in it. See what you want to be, and be. Don't fear the pain. Pain is good. Pain is price. Stephen Lloyd Jones
Same applies to relationships or professional work life – analyze what’s the root problem of this fear and apply 5 Whys methodology.
For an instance: I’m afraid of getting hurt from a relationship.
Answer: “Because I was hurt before”
Answer: “Because my boyfriend behaved badly”
Answer: “Because he was ego-centric”
Answer: “Because that’s how he grew up in family. His whole family is ego-centric”
Answer: “Because I fell deeply in love and was ignorant for a while”.
You get the idea. The point is to find the main cause of the problem, which is ignorance. Now, the next time I’d want to get into a relationship, I’d pick my partner more carefully and start analyzing his behavior more carefully. That’s how you prevent problems in advance.
Good relationships can cure almost everything. They are the source of positivity and support which help you achieve your goals and beat your phobias.
This is more of a indirect way to deal with your fear (if it’s not relationship related), but it certainly helps.
Although you must avoid toxic relationships, but good relationships have to be nourished and continuously watered with love. The irony of life is that you must work on relationships to maintain them.
To nourish relationships, you have to set up meetings, occasionally message your friends. Communication has to be honest and sincere. That’s how the trust and best relationships are built.
You have to realize, that fear of pain comes from illusion and not from experienced pain (unless you have experienced it yourself in the past). You can’t judge the pain if it’s not there yet. You shouldn’t even think about it and philosophize how much pain the real scenario would bring you. This leads nowhere.
Not only this destroys you slowly from the inside, but it also can result in mental health issues. If that didn’t happen, you shouldn’t worry.
Fear and pain can only touch you if you let them. - Peter V. Brett
The only thing that you should do is be aware of it. Just know that this pain exists. However, don’t let this pain lead your life and actions.
You won’t realize how much time you waste by fearing the pain. This time could be well spent being happy and being fearless on things that don’t matter.
Work on relationships, on your passions, improve and educate yourself. Time can be spent in so many ways and the last thing that you should do is be unhappy. Always choose the happy and positive side of life.
Your time is always ticking which won’t come back. Why waste it in fear when you can enjoy your life? Time is very precious and not even a million dollars can buy your time back.
Expanding your emotional vocabulary can be very beneficial. A lot of people have only a few words to describe their range of emotions.
You wouldn’t believe what power words have. For an instance, angriness associate with a feeling that you can’t really control. It’s almost as if you feel hatred on someone.
However, if you changed the word “angry” to “irritated”, your emotional state would be much better. Irritation is only a mild condition of angriness that can be fixed easily.
In case of a fear, think of it as a small worry. A worry can go quickly if you are in the right mood and mental state.
Being concerned about small worries is not worth it, is it?
In case if you still feel fear of pain, seek for professional help. Professionals know their ways around every mental condition and can help you either by verbal therapy or medical therapy.
If you are really concerned and unsure about your current mental situation, seek for help asap. There’s nothing better than years of practical experience with a lot of people.
We all have fears and it’s natural for humans to be fearful of pain. However, with the right mindset and attitude you can change your view on fears.
Don’t close yourself in a cubicle of fear. Instead, go out and enjoy your life. Work and beat your enemies inside.
No one other than you can achieve the things that you want.