Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
October 4, 2021 · 7 min read
Sometimes being nice isn't always the best thing because everyone knows that it's so easy to hurt nice people. - Abhishek Tiwari
Aren’t you tired of being nice to other people all the time?
Are you tired being nice to other people without getting anything in return?
In a perfect world everyone should be nice and kind to each other. However, the reality is a little different.
Let’s admit it – being kind to everyone all the time is exhausting. With every “Yes” or “Okay, no problem, I’ll do that for you” a part within you slowly fades away. It’s like being a robot that agrees with everyone.
Is that a correct way of living? How do you find balance? Here we will reveal all important things you should know.
11 Reasons why you are being nice to everyone
Some people act MEAN to protect themselves from getting hurt, but once they trust you they'll show you their NICE side. - Sonya Parker
- You are afraid of conflict.
- You don’t want to get rejected and disliked.
- You want to contribute to a nicer world.
- You don’t want to sound rude.
- You are afraid to ruin your reputation.
- You don’t want to risk being misunderstood.
- You believe it’s a kind thing to do.
- You care too much about others.
- You don’t have boundaries of self-respect.
- You believe that the favor will be returned.
- You don’t feel confident in your own skin.
Why being good to people all the time hurts you
You lose your authenticity. The worst thing that can happen is to lose your true character and live a compromised life. The truth is, I used to be a very nice kid and teenager to everyone around me.
As a consequence, my best and most important self-development years were wasted pleasing everyone else. You should never let your false assumptions take control over your life. Be kind, but at the same time don’t sacrifice your character.
It lowers your self-esteem. This is another tremendous negative hit on your personality. At one point, you might be feeling hopeless because of that. A lot of people hold a comprehension that being nice to other people means you can’t have arguments.
In fact, standing up for yourself doesn’t mean that you are not being a nice person anymore. It means that you have self-respect and won’t serve as a tool for everyone.
You feel exhausted and unfulfilled. Every nice person has had thoughts how his life would be different if he would suddenly change. The reason for these thoughts is because you feel unfulfilled and empty with your current situation.
It’s like 50/50 – it’s nice to be a kind person, but at the same time you have a feeling that you lack something. Not only that but pleasing everyone is exhausting and irritating. You feel like a second-hand tool that everyone uses for free.
You care too much. Being too nice means that you are extremely self-aware about yourself and others. In other words, you are afraid to hurt them and yourself.
This results in “I’m not good enough” belief, which glues up all other negative habits. You believe that you don’t deserve just as much as you give to others.
10 Ways to stop being nice to everyone
1. Set boundaries
This single tip can change you completely and help you have more control over being too nice to everyone.
The best way to do it is to write down your rules on a piece of paper. Start small so that it wouldn’t be too overwhelming.
You also don’t have to go cold turkey being nice. You have to become a better version of yourself.
Instead, make small little steps and see what works best for you and what doesn’t.
You could make rules like:
- I won’t be doing fake laughs for everyone (you have to identify for whom)
- I’m not going to initiate hosting parties in my house
- If someone owes me, I’ll remind them and set a deadline
Therefore, you have to identify in what particular areas you are being too nice to people. Think of particular actions to take to solve these problems. However, you must also memorize your boundaries and try to adapt them to real life situations.
2. Learn to do uncomfortable things
If you are tired of being nice to everyone, consider changing your habits. Usually, we tend to fall into a routine which keeps us away from progressing further in life. Being comfortable with ourselves is a calming and reassuring feeling.
You could either ignore this advice, or take it from me: be too nice, and people take you for a dummy. - Daniel Dumile
Therefore, start changing your habits by implementing small changes. If you like eating fast food burger, consider making it on your own at home. If you are used to procrastinate after finishing your work, consider setting a time limit to unwind and then picking up a productive habit to do.
These small changes will change you from fundamentals. It will help you adopt a different perspective on life and make yourself feel better.
3. Learn to say “No”
Aren’t you tired of being nice when someone asks you a favor all the time?
One “no” a day keeps your worries away.
Again, don’t overwhelm yourself. Figure out what is it reasonable to say “no” for, and who actually deserves a “yes”.
- Sadly, I have something else to do.
- Unfortunately, I’m busy for the rest of the day.
- I’m not the best at doing this task. I’d also feel very uncomfortable.
- Sorry, I already have other plans to do.
There are numerous ways to say “no”. I’m sure you’ll figure exactly what to say when the time comes.
Saying no empowers you and opens up more opportunities if done in a right way. For example, if you are saying “yes, I’ll do this task for you”, that only results in consuming your time. Instead, you could enjoy yourself or practice a new skill.
You will also feel like a burden fell off your shoulders. You won’t have to dream about saying no because you will already have done it. Taking control of your life will greatly reduce stress and make you more comfortable with yourself.
4. Accept yourself and define your value
Holding a grudge on yourself will do more harm than the good.
Learn to accept yourself the way you are. You have to admit your mistakes and learn from them. Furthermore, ignore your inner critic and forgive yourself. No one is perfect and everyone has flaws.
Now that you accepted yourself, you have to define your worth. You have to learn value yourself rather than seeking for acceptance from others.
Firstly, you have to get one confusion out of the way – valuing yourself doesn’t mean that you are selfish and egoistic. All it means is that you have boundaries of something that you can tolerate and what not. You have to be happy and not be chained by false beliefs.
Therefore, to define your worth, you must know what makes you happy. Make a simple list of activities that always bring you joy.
Then, make a list of things that you want to improve. If you want to eat healthier – put than on the list. If you want to expand your social circle – put than on the list too.
All of these written statements will help you have a better understanding about your self-worth. Don’t let anyone trample down on your value. Learn to reject what’s inappropriate for you and move on.
5. Build your confidence
Building confidence can help you increase your self-worth if you are tired of being something that means nothing to other people. You’ll experience all sorts of benefits, such as reduced social anxiety, increased creativity, performance, and other measurements.
If a voice is just too nice, without an edge, it kinda all flows by. You forget it. You don't listen to the lyrics. - Stephen Malkmus
To build confidence, you’ll have to devote yourself to self-improvement activities. These activities are:
- Facing your fears
- Stopping self-talk about negativity
- Identifying your weaknesses turning them around
- Identifying your strengths and using to your advantage
- Adopting a positive mindset
- Being curious and constantly improving
Confidence is not built overnight, just like the empire of Rome. You can start building your confidence by eliminating negative self-talk first. This will greatly help you if you are tired of being nice. You’ll stop creating negative scenarios in your head and make yourself to slowly climb out of the comfort zone.
6. Leave scarcity mindset
Scarcity mindset makes us to live a compromised life. We create unhappy scenarios, limit ourselves to new opportunities. It’s the opposite of abundance mindset.
People that have abundance mindset always seek for new opportunities, are not afraid to risk experiencing new positive life changes. People with abundance mindset believe that they can achieve anything they want.
To adopt abundance mindset, you have to:
- Surround yourself with successful and positive people.
- Set goals and focus achieving them.
- Be up to date with new information.
- Always thrive for what you deserve.
- Periodically evaluate your progress and look for improvements.
In short, it’s a change of lifestyle. If you are ready to get the most out of this world, then you should without a single doubt look for ways to implement abundance mindset into your life.
7. Ditch poor relationships away
Did you know that poor family relationships while growing up can bring negative consequences for your mental health?
Obviously, we can’t choose our blood line. There’s very little we can do about our families.
However, if you notice that your friends, acquaintances, work environment has a bad mental toll on you, consider changing things up.
Poor relationships are like thunderstorms in the middle of a sunny day. They poison your well-being, reduce your self-esteem, and you feel worse in general.
Sometimes being too nice is dangerous, you have to show your mean side once in a while to avoid getting hurt. - Ziad K. Abdelnour
You might ask “So, how do I remove toxic relationships out from my life?”. The answer is simple, but at the same time complicated.
The short answer is to simply let them go and move on. If you feel like your work environment is having a negative impact on your mental health, consider looking for other job or establishing your own business.
The long answer is to try to improve the relationships first. If it’s hard to let them go, have a talk with people. In worst case, see if you can still somehow benefit out of them.
Perhaps your work environment has tough working conditions, but maybe it’s still tolerable and it makes you grow as a person?
You really have to measure the pros and cons and make the right decision.
8. Identify your perfect personality
Aren’t you tired of being nice just because that’s in your personality?
Your perfect personality is an improved version of your current personality.
Changing your characters from the fundamentals is nearly impossible. In either case, you’d become a fraud of your original version.
If you are fed up pleasing others and want to improve your life quality, this can open new horizons for a better version of your current personality.
Here’s how it works – strictly evaluate your character first. Don’t mislead yourself by making your character look better.
Visualize your current character and your improved character version.
Everyone can become a better version of himself/herself. Focus on improving one character trait at a time. If you are shy and want to become more outgoing, consider joining local communities, finding groups that are interested in the same hobbies that you are, etc.
Identifying your perfect personality can go a very long way in improving your self-confidence and increasing your self-worth. As a result, you’ll be able to stand for yourself and not be nice to everyone that don’t deserve it.
9. Ease your mind
It could be that you’re overburnt and need a refresh to think in a different way.
Easing your mind will result in feeling more relaxed and can help with open-mindedness. One of the simplest ways to achieve that is meditation. It can reduce negative emotions, help you reduce stress, open your mind to new ideas and much more.
Meditation is very easy to do. Forming the habit is the hardest part.
It's nice to be nice to the nice, - Larry Linville
Start very slow by doing 5 to 10 minutes of meditation at most every day. The benefits will come eventually, and the time it takes to see them differs from person to person. It can take from a few weeks to a month or two to notice any changes within your mood and mental health.
Here is a short video and quick tips on meditation:
10. Seek for help
Lastly, if you are still feeling undervalued and can’t escape cycle of being nice to everyone, consider professional help.
Professionals, such as psychologists have very valuable experience working with people face-to-face. Such method is more effective than trying to achieve everything by yourself. Not only that, but you also should be able to reap the fruits of your new changes and successes much faster.
Therefore, don’t be afraid of looking for mentor online or locally.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
Being nice too people isn’t always the best scenario to practice. Some people might be manipulating you and using you as a tool. Furthermore, you need to have your self-worth.
Embrace changes in your personality if you are tired of being a good person to everyone. When you are too nice to others, you’ll end up in situations where you’ll be left behind.
Therefore, don’t be afraid to say no when it’s necessary. You deserve to have freedom of your choice.