Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
September 28, 2021 · 7 min read
A person's worth is measured by the worth of what he values. - Marcus Aurelius
I used to be trapped into a negative self-perception of self-worth. I felt like I didn’t deserve of things that I do have. I also lacked a lot of general life knowledge which put me in my mind that I’m behind in life.
The worst part is that I kept on telling myself every day that I’m just not worthy. This engraved deeply in crevices of my mind which was complicated to get rid of.
Words have a lot of power – similarly like a kid being told that he’s the best in everything. Eventually he’ll start believing it and feel more confident and worthy of everything: candies, bicycles, toys, etc.
This is the almost the same situation, except the opposite. However, it’s completely possible to heal your wounds and I’ll show you how.
10 Reasons why you feel not worthy
Feeling not worthy happens due to self-esteem issues. The longer you sink in your self-pity, the worse the situation gets.
- You feel lifeless, bland, regular
- You insist yourself on the idea that you feel not worthy (scarcity mindset)
- You feel sorry and can’t help yourself
- You are angry at everyone for being happier than you
- You are in despair of hopelessness and that nothing can improve the situation
- You feel as if nobody supports you
- You keep on disappointing yourself and other people
- You feel like you lack skills and general life knowledge
- You don’t accept opportunities that life offers you
- You’ve been hurt by others and your self-esteem got damaged
General things you must understand to feel worthy
- To feel worthy, you have to put in work and do things that are hard and challenging for you. You’ll never come out of our shell if you’ll keep staying in comfort zone and doing the usual everyday things.
- None of the self-improvement books or articles will help you if you don’t put it into practice. By reading theory, we can partially understand the main idea, but the feeling how it feels like is not achievable if you don’t start acting.
- Self-worthiness may be a different concept from person to person. Some people can feel more worthy by putting on nice shoes or clothes, others might feel better about themselves from materialistic things (cars, jewelry, yachts, etc.), the others might need mental boost and energy to do things they want to.
10 practical ways to feel worthy
1. Take meaningful risks in life
To improve ourselves, we must constantly challenge ourselves. Sometimes this saying can sound exhausting, daunting, depressing. Sometimes it can sound like joy or the biggest gift of your life.
Everything has to start from our mindsets. If we possess scarcity mindset, we’ll never be able to embrace happiness. The world will look dull, stressing and dark place to live in.
Instead, we have to adopt abundance mindset, which can help us to embrace a healthy outlook to the world. We’ll cheerfully accept all challenges of our lives and will never stop on improving.
Having said that, you have to take risks in your life. No, it doesn’t have to be jumping off a cliff from 100 ft. to an ocean or sea. What I mean is, that you have to open up and start expressing your feelings to people, take well-thought financial risks that can improve your life in the future, do the travelling around the world and beating the fear of speaking with strangers and similar.
All of your meaningful experiences will add up and you’ll feel like a whole different person in a good way. In our modern ways we are used to live very passively. Instead, start embracing life in an active way.
How to practice:
Meaningful risks are done by weighing the positives and the negatives. If the negatives far outweigh the positives, definitely don’t do it. If, for example, your chances to succeed are 1% or 5%, then it’s far too low. In other words, 1 out of 20 risks will pay off at best.
Instead, think smarter instead of playing harder. Set up a proper set of actions to minimize the risks as much as possible and go for it.
All of your meaningful experiences will add up and you’ll feel like a whole different person in a good way. In our modern ways we are used to live very passively. Instead, start embracing life in an active way.
It's a tragic that we recognized our self worth from external validation. - Aditya Ajmera
Meaningful risks in life can be:
- Getting hurt from other people (trying to chat with other people and then get rejected, or acknowledging your feeling to your crush)
- Being responsible for someone else you love or like
- Letting go of relationships and starting new ones
- Helping someone else without any return of appreciation
- Growing in life with possibility of failures and discomforts (learning how to be a leader, investing into assets, learning new skills…)
2. Stop thinking about others’ opinions
A study has found a correlation for social influence on people. Humans usually have a thought what other people think of statements or about them when making a decision.
It’s no surprise that social opinions have a strong impact on our decision making. Therefore, we also feel vulnerable to these social generalizations.
That’s why we always feel conscious when other people say something about us – whether these are good or bad opinions. By human nature we are linked to draw our attention more to the negative thoughts. Only self-aware people can mitigate this effect and stop being influenced by what other people think.
You must fight against others’ opinions about you if you want to feel fulfilled and happy in life.
How to practice:
Simply, cut off relationships that are toxic in your life. These people are like weeds in your grass that are only destroying your property. As long as you’ll have them in your life, you’ll never feel satisfied about yourself.
Another thing you should do is watch less negative news on social media platforms, news websites, TV. There is too much negativity which influences perception about ourselves.
Such examples are Instagram, TikTok, Facebook. When we see people having a luxurious, full of experiences life, people usually tend to get anxious and depressed. People start feeling useless, empty and that their life is meaningless. Therefore, the solution what to do is very straightforward – either go cold turkey on these platforms, or limit time per day that you can use them.
3. Set realistic goals and tasks
“I want to be a millionaire, drive Rolls Royce and have a villa by the beach”. Ok, that’s cool, now what?
While this is a valid goal to achieve and a great motivation for self-improvement, but with such an abstract goal it’s going to be very hard to accomplish. Soon enough you’ll burn out and will lose motivation to achieve big and great things.
That’d be a shame because you could’ve achieved it.
Speak your piece until you find your peace. ― D.M. Timney
How to practice:
Practice reverse engineering method. No, you won’t have to construct a hotel, I promise! However, you’ll surely have to construct a bridge to link your tasks to your end goal.
Reverse engineering is a method when you disassemble your final product to little pieces and details and analyze how the product works.
Similarly, you’ll start disassembling your final goal into smaller tasks and analyze how to achieve it. For example, you can analyze successful people and what it took them to achieve their success. Then, you’d apply the methods for your goal and start your journey from there.
Remember that you don’t have to invent a bicycle for a second time. Instead, you have to copy it and improve it. That’s all it takes to achieve success.
4. Finish what you’ve started
People tend to jump from one task to another without finishing the first one fully. People naturally seek for excitement and ways to entertain themselves. As a result, they are looking for something new to do.
Usually, people only scrape the top of their tasks before reaching the actual core. This phenomenon creates within themselves dissatisfaction of their work and achievements. For sure, it can be fun at first hopping from one task to another, but in the long run people will realize that this doesn’t lead anywhere, unless they are very ignorant.
If you’d ask me “How do you know this?”, then the answer is very simple. It’s from personal experience and observations. My father, to be fair, never finished a single thing in his life: growing up kids, finishing fixing cars, finishing his house, has almost zero savings in his bank account, has a doubtable relationship with another woman. However, that’s a whole different story. My point is, that you’ll never feel accomplished if you’ll keep getting distracted by environment.
How to practice:
Make a list of sequential tasks for your end goal. In this way, you’ll have a general picture how to achieve your goal that you want to accomplish. If you’d only think of “I want to purchase a house” without a real plan, chances are that you’d waste a few additional years without a sequence of actions and strategies.
To illustrate this, you’d always start a recipe from going to the grocery shop, buying the goods, washing and preparing them, cutting/processing, baking, cooking, etc. You can’t go the other way around (unless it’s the reverse engineering method). The same goes with your plans and goals.
Remember why you started. We tend to get carried away by environmental distractions. Therefore, it’s important to always keep in mind your priorities. You’ll start regretting that you postponed your guitar practicing and playing for 10 years or that you didn’t take care of your skin when you should’ve. Remember why you are chasing your dreams.
5. Hop into your inspirational person’s shoes
Most of us have a person that we adore or would like to be just as them. Perhaps, it wouldn’t be the best idea to be 100% that person. Instead, it’s better to pick a few positive traits out of him/her and practice that.
We can learn a lot of valuable life lessons from our idols. However, it’s important to always keep in mind to sustain our personality and be who we are and not who we idealize. Our uniqueness is what makes us real and alive.
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. - C.G. Jung
How to practice:
Think of a person that you admire. Perhaps it’s your uncle? Maybe an actor, entrepreneur or a singer? Define that person clearly.
Decide why you admire this person. Is it because that person has an astonishing voice, communication skills or maybe he’s very creative? Define these characteristics of a person.
Study about what made this person have such characteristics and skills. Is it because he worked hard to acquire those characteristics, skills and success? Analyze how it happened.
Adapt it for yourself. When you have an idea where these amazing traits of your idol came from, you can mimic it and apply to yourself. Road of achieving that kind of success will never be 100% exact the same as your idol had to undergo. It will be different for every person and that’s absolutely okay.
6. Stop hoping for a blissful moment to come
A lot of us imagine that we’ll see the light at the end of a tunnel. “Sooner or later it will happen”.
You won’t feel worthy if you won’t put work into your well-being. Hoping for a miracle or that someone will help you is not reliable, unsustainable and it’s generally unhealthy point of view to life.
How to practice:
Start acting instead of dreaming and pouring self-pity on yourself. That’s the reality that everyone has to face. Start doing little changes, like starting to exercise, eating healthier, managing your time, interacting with other people, etc.
The point of this message is just to begin taking your future and your life into your own hands. Don’t rely on other people too much. You are your own goldsmith of your life.
7. Expand your social circle with meaningful relationships
Relationships that can bring into your life happiness, more self-confidence and increases overall life quality, will help you to feel worthy. One of the studies has illustrated that social acceptance from other people can increase self-esteem in every life period.
One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself. - Shannon L. Alder
How to practice:
The best way to find relationships is through mutual interests. If you are interested, for example, in soccer, cooking, debating, look for such groups locally. Surely, you’ll have a lot to talk about.
Another way is to find relationships online. In times of pandemic, we have to adapt and look for different routes to find relationships. Certainly, in some scenarios it’s even easier to find relationships through Internet. You can look in dating websites, speaking platforms, social media, forums and even online games. See what works for you the best and stick to it.
8. Practice self-care
If you can’t respect yourself by taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to feel worthy. You have to value yourself and prioritize yourself first. It’s sounds egoistic, but that’s the first thing you have to understand.
How to practice:
Find out what relaxes you or what you haven’t done for a long time. Perhaps you should try doing one of these things:
- Meditate
- Have a SPA/massage session
- Take a power nap
- Walk in your favorite park
- Feel a fresh breath of air
- Light a scented candle
- Have a hot shower
- Have plenty of sleep
9. Set boundaries and rules
If you don’t feel confident in your own skin, you might feel insecure and vulnerable. If you feel extremely unworthy of everything that life offers you, changes must come to your life. Therefore, you should set rules on how much you can let yourself drown in your self-pity.
Your time is way too valuable to be wasting on people that can't accept who you are. - Turcois Ominek
How to practice:
Set rules in your mind. Let yourself know that whenever you feel insecure, it has to stop immediately. Remind yourself why you want to live a fulfilling life.
For example – if you catch yourself undeserving of others attention, turn on your mindfulness. “Do I feel unworthy because they are more successful than I am?” “Do I feel unworthy because I “think” I’m ugly?”. Stop these thoughts asap.
Question yourself briefly. You have to understand that humble and nice people will be always willing to chat with you and help you. If it happens that someone doesn’t want to talk with you, then it means it’s their problem. Those people’s ego is too high and you can’t help it. Don’t bother wasting energy and time with them, because you are worth way more than they are.
10. Don’t underestimate small activities impact
Small occurring healthy habits can help you feel better about yourself. They strengthen your self-esteem and let you come in peace with yourself. Remember, that the worthiness battle is only between you.
How to practice:
Establish habits and routines that would improve your self-esteem. Successful people often wake up earlier, do some exercising, meditate, write their goals for the day, catch up on pre-work before the actual work. All of this contribute to higher confidence levels. For an instance, just the working out part would increase your self-esteem levels tremendously. A lot of people have experienced this, including me.
Look up for routines of highly successful people. Look up for routines that help you increase your confidence levels. Even if they don’t sound big, they might have a big impact. You must start somewhere and without hesitation.
Final Words From Delightful Mindset
Low self-esteem is our biggest enemy. It decreases our self-worth, which results in a situation where we feel not worthy. It’s similar to hitting a wall of bricks, that might seem very hard to penetrate at first.
However, with certain methods and having a positive mindset, you can feel worthy and unchain from the negative thoughts that surround you.
First and foremost, you have to believe in your capabilities and in yourself as a whole. You have to be proud of who you are, because you deserve of everything that you desire.