Every situation has a silver lining – discover a mindset that heals and enlightens.
August 21, 2021 · 7 min read
Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. - Samuel Ullman
Have you ever thought that you would like to be another person and have different personality traits? Everyone has thought so at least once in their lifetimes. The hatred towards ourselves can come from a lot of sources.
The natural critics that live deep within ourselves don’t let to enjoy our lives. We thrive to be better and feel not good enough.
Yet, a lot of people keep compromising their lives to try to become who they really aren’t. Sometimes goals that are set don’t have a good and solid strategic plan.
As a result, we crumble and get disappointed and fall into the depths of not liking ourselves.
However, I am going to try my best to help you to unravel this puzzle of having little or non-existing love towards yourself.
How do you like yourself?
You like yourself by implementing a positive mindset and nourishing your thoughts with happy memories and beliefs. You have to push away people who lower your self-esteem. The aspect of liking yourself is purely psychological instead of physical. These beliefs of self-love come from inside, not from the outside.
If someone kept on telling you that you are not attractive, then that’s how you believe now. Constant repetition of words make people eventually believe in those words. It works similar to learning something new – you repeat the same material until it gets stuck in your head.
Certainly, you can’t simply flip a switch in your mind and suddenly start liking yourself. Your positive thoughts have to gradually take over your negative thoughts. Only by overcoming your negativity you can start to like yourself.
Why liking yourself is so important?
Liking yourself is especially important because you don’t compromise your life for your beliefs or because of other people. You enjoy your life the way it is and you are in a harmony with your personality.
When you don’t like yourself, your every day life becomes a burden. You can’t please yourself, nor you can please anyone else. People that suffer from self-loathing wear masks and are hypocrites to themselves and to other people.
It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone. - Andy Rooney
In general, when you like yourself, you are happy in life. You don’t have to prove anyone a single thing.
Do you know why it’s also so important?
It’s because you can love others and others can love you too without compromising each other’s lives. You don’t have to feel empty every day.
Here we present reasons why you might not like yourself.
15 Reasons why you don’t like yourself
- Someone has made you believe that you are not good enough
- You envy people who you think are more superior than you
- You’ve made bad decisions followed by actions in the past
- You don’t like yourself because you feel not worthy of good life
- You keep on disappointing yourself and other people
- You have bad habits: addictions, unpunctuality, inappropriate behavior and similar
- You don’t like your certain personality traits
- You are perfectionist and keep bashing yourself for not achieving goals
- You are a pleaser of other people
- You lack self-respect
- You lack confidence
- You are desperate to get attention
- You don’t get support from your family or friends
- You feel like you are an empty soul and not exceptional
- You don’t know how to celebrate life
10 Signs that you like yourself
- You feel confident in your actions
- You know how and when to say “no” to other people
- You respect and have faith in yourself
- You are okay to be alone with yourself
- You feel like you are enough and equal to others or even better
- You celebrate your winnings
- You don’t stop improving
- You do self-care activities: exercising, meditation, go on a date with yourself and similar
- You are in a healthy, mutually respectful relationship
- You don’t sacrifice your health for other people
10 Tips on how to like yourself and how to practice them
1. Talk to yourself nice if other people aren’t
There are a lot of people that are not willing to tolerate people or their actions. Some people are not willing even to try to talk nice to newly met people.
Not to mention that employers at work or managers might be mean to you and disrespectful.
Regardless of that, you shouldn’t let anyone to lower your self-worth.
How to practice:
Tell yourself positive affirmations like “I am enough and I am capable of achieving whatever I please”, or “Life is too short to draw attention to narcissists”. Talk to yourself, that “everything is fine and I’ll pull this through no matter what”, “I’m stronger than anyone believes. I’ll prove them”.
Talk to yourself about nice things that you notice, like about a beautiful day, an adorable puppy, your dream car that you saw on the street and similar.
Enjoy your journey with yourself.
2. Practice self-care
Have you neglected and forgot about your well-being? If you want to like yourself, you have to take care of yourself.
Don’t forget that you are above everyone else and you are the priority for yourself, especially if you don’t feel the best at the moment.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should neglect your family or friends. Let them politely know that you will be busy at certain times and want to relax and loosen your nerves.
It's paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn't appeal to anyone. - Andy Rooney
How to practice:
Write a journal or diary. Pour your emotions and thoughts on the paper. Writing can be very therapeutic and bring you relaxation and self-care calmness.
Listen to your favorite music. Don’t forget that music can be very therapeutic also. Get out of your living place for a few hours and listen to music. Music brings happiness.
Have a hot shower or book a SPA/massage appointment. You deserve to take care of your body and ease the stress off it.
Exercise and eat healthy. Your body is a temple. How you treat your body is reflected from your inside and outside.
Feel free to do anything that you think is the most suitable for your self-care. But don’t neglect the opportunity to try new things. You might be surprised how much you’d like them.
Stop self-loathing because it does nothing good for you.
3. Set rules and boundaries for how much you can tolerate nonsense
Your co-worker has asked again to do his work. He put his papers on your desk and you are “responsible” for his part of work. When you think about it that sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it?
Certainly, there can be various situations like that. It can occur in family, friends, acquaintances environments.
By no means I’m implying that you should never help to anyone and ignore everyone when they ask for help. However, before helping, ask yourself if that’s reasonable what they are asking for.
How to practice:
Before doing somebody a favor, keep in mind a few things. Ask yourself a few questions:
Are these people nice to you? Would they be willing help to you? How significant are these people in your life? How reasonable is their request?
Surely, if the request is crucially urgent and it will impact you also, you should give a hand.
However, if by any means that person made a mistake by being ignorant of his/her time management and can’t cope with the problem, it’s most likely their business. It’s even more emphasized if that person keeps coming back with his requests, has almost no place in your social circle or any importance in your life.
Stop dealing with these people. You have to value your time and have self-respect. Learn to say “no” when it’s necessary.
4. Thrash negative people away from your life
As previously mentioned, a constant repetition of words has an impact on your life in one way or another. If it’s in the negative way, turn this nonsense down right away.
Those negatively impactful people can shrink your self-esteem and self-respect not only by words, but also by actions. If they are responsible for your newly or long-lasting attained bad habits, you should end it straight away.
These relationships lower your self-esteem and faith in good people.
Negative people will make you like yourself and them less. There is definitely no place for them in your social circle. Perhaps you don’t want to hurt them by telling something harsh but it has to be done.
Aging is not ‘lost youth’ but a new stage of opportunity and strength. - Betty Friedan
How to practice:
If you are used to talk in a nice manner and tone, let negative people politely know that “My apologies, but I can’t continue like this anymore. I am sincerely sorry for this, but our relationship negatively impacts my well-being. We have to end this”.
It doesn’t matter if this is your significant other or friends. It’s even better if those people are just merely acquaintances.
At first, it can hurt you both, but its for your better well-being in the long-term.
Do it for your happiness.
5. Learn to be alone
You can’t like yourself if you are highly dependent on other people. If you need their company to be happy or you need a constant series of favors from them to feel in one or another way fulfilled and reassured, then you have to take control in your own hands.
It’s like a strength training camp. Spend some time on yourself to become stronger and less dependent on other people.
How to practice:
By no means throw those positive people away from your life.
Let them politely know that you appreciate for what they do and you need to learn to take care of yourself. You need space for yourself and learn to love yourself.
Do the things that you love to do. Play an instrument, have a ride in your car, go for a walk, go shopping or go see a movie.
Do the things you love. You don’t need to rely on someone for happiness and reassurance.
6. Analyze your bad habits and throw them away
Bad habits are like soy sauce in a barrel of good wine. They don’t go along well.
Your bad habits are poisoning your good character traits. As a result, you might feel confused in one or another way and don’t like yourself.
Here’s how you fix it.
How to practice:
First, you have to find out what bad habits you possess.
They can be such as doing drugs, smoking, staying up late, biting your nails, doing too much self-criticism, breaking promises, being untidy, procrastinating, etc.
Figure out what bad habits are poisoning you. To not get overwhelmed, start from smaller, easier to remove bad habits.
When you feel ready, then get a good grip and tackle with the big bad habits.
7. Practice leadership
Practicing leadership will spark self-love and increase self-esteem.
Leadership skills are learnt, so don’t worry. You can definitely learn this skill with a little bit of effort.
How to practice:
Start showing initiative and start small.
If your significant other always plans trips or surprises, insist on doing it yourself this time instead.
Your lover or friend will definitely appreciate your efforts. You can even surprise by doing something simple: making a dinner, starting a small talk, sending a funny video and similar.
Whatever the situation is, don’t be afraid to say out loud your opinion.
We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw
8. Find and nourish relationships
It is no doubt that relationships take a big role in everyone’s life. To actually start liking yourself and increasing your confidence, finding and nourishing a relationship is very beneficial for self-improvement.
You will learn a lot in a relationship.
If you are already in a relationship, then surprise your significant other. Not only he or she will be surprised, but you will also feel good about yourself.
How to practice:
If your significant other always plans trips or surprises, insist on doing it yourself this time instead.
Your lover or friend will definitely appreciate your efforts. You can even surprise by doing something simple: making a dinner, starting a small talk, sending a funny video and similar.
Show more effort than usual. You will be noticed and appraised.
9. Don’t set yourself lower than anyone else
No one deserves to be belittled by someone.
Look, it doesn’t matter if that’s your boss, friend or significant other. From the human rights point of view, you are expected to be mutually treated equally.
Stand for yourself and have some self-respect. That’s how you start to like yourself.
We don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing. - George Bernard Shaw
How to practice:
If it happens that you are in a situation when someone yells at you, don’t yell at them back. Stay calm and let them politely know that there’s no reason to raise the voice.
Try to have a calm discussion. Use facts as arguments. There are no stronger arguments than facts, which are proven by science.
There’s nothing that discussions and compromises couldn’t solve. Only ignorant and greedy people choose the path of war.
In worst case scenario if there’s no other choice (I don’t induce on doing that), yell back. Don’t let anyone to push you and let them know that they have all the power.
Whatever the scenario is, stay for your ground.
10. Set realistic goals (or set up a perfect plan)
If you have exceptionally high goals in your mind, then this tip is exactly for you.
Setting enormous goals are discouraging, frightening and eventually people fall out off their to path to these goals.
As a result, people get disappointed and fall out of love with themselves.
If your goal is to make 1 million in 1 year, chances that will happen are 0.001% if you have no strategic and rational plan.
However, if you divide big goals into smaller sub-sections while sub-sections have even smaller tasks, then it might just be achievable. Of course, everything has to be backed up with at least partially proven practical methods.
You need to set realistic goals. Here’s how you do it.
How to practice:
Now, if your goal is to start liking yourself, then you will have to think in the same way as explained before. This is not an enormous goal to achieve. It’s doable for every person in reasonable amount of time.
The plan for this goal is very straightforward and very simple, since it’s not some sort of business plan.
All you have to do is track your progress. Always keep in mind to apply these 10 tips in your life every day.
Final words
I pray for you to be happy. Everyone deserves to have fulfillment in life.
Life is such a beautiful phenomenon and it would be a shame if that would all go to waste. Even if you are 75 years old, it’s never too late to live happily ever after.
Embrace positive changes, embrace life with wide arms and enjoy it. It’s a spectacular journey full of unexpected experiences.
It will take time to like yourself, but don’t be frightened. If you take even a small step forward each day, that’s certainly a victory.
It’s not about how much you can embrace everything at once, it’s all about consistent small steps each day.